i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
