Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
pray to the hookup gods
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
