Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
