Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
