He had one of those small greek statue penises
pop tarts are not kleenex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
