I must be too annoying 4 u.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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