I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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