i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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