So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
