1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize