i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
