There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
