I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
