He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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