no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
