so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
handjob tips. give me some.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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