Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
