So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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