i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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