I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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