Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
