FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't deserve a penis
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Randomize
