Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
