He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
