there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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