It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
