you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize