There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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