just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
