my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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