I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
