But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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