New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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