lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
