I want to walk on stilts...naked
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
