Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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