Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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