i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
