She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
