you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
