mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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