i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
