I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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