I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
