How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
