don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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