Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
