Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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