Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
