You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
