i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize