we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
