my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
