Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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