remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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