just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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