Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
