I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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