yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
