Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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