Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
