he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
