Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
