I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
