How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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