Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You smell like stripper and shame
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize