I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i think i just lost a toe
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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